Sunday, July 3, 2011

Audiophiles would rather talk about listening to music.............

Than actually listen to it.

Proof: look at all the crappy audio forums. And all the hot air, wasted, on what is good and why. (And what sucks, and why.) (Which devolves to you suck, and why.)

I have to confess.

None of this should be a surprise, to me. I learned all of this, back in the 70s.

Yep, before there was the web.............before there were BB services, back when folks were still dancing to shit like "Funky Town", I learned that all audiophiles were insecure dorks, who would rather sit around, talking about how great their system was. And why.

Fact is: most sucked.

How do I know this?

Way back when.................I had this great idea, to start a service, where I would show up at some audio nerd's house, whip out all my fancy gear, and adjust their tone arms.............move their speakers, to get rid of the bass boom (which wasn't always welcome), and stuff like that. At one point, I would schlep around an AF spectrum analyzer, and measure rumble. (The quietest I measured was some Nipposonic direct-drive machine. Forget which one. Wasn't a Denon, is all I can remember.)

I charged by the hour. Even when I had to sit there, and listen to them go on and on and on and on, about how great their system was.

(Actually, this was a dual blessing. One, I made money, sitting on my arse. Second, I was spared listening to their system.)

Which leads me to where this is heading......................

All of these folks were insecure. They needed reinforcement, that their system was great. It had to be great: some nerd, with tons of expensive gear, just measured it, so it has to be great. (No, it doesn't, but just like Stereo Review, I never gave a bad review. I just gave them the data. They jumped to the conclusion that data was corroboration.)

Yep, I learned, at $x/hour, that folks would gladly pay that amount, to blather on about how great their system was. Even though each and every one of them sucked.

So, what we see, on audio forums, is just an extension of all of that stuff. Now, they don't have to pay me (crap!), they can just create some stupid nom de guerre, log on to some audio nerd forum, and...........

We all know the outcome. Why listen to music, when you can talk about listening to music? And be spared from having to listen to an un-listenable system. How can you go wrong?

So, l learned, while collecting $, that audiophiles are all insecure little worms, who probably never have sex with their wives. And for good reason! Given the choice between listening to music, they would actually pay money, to talk about listening to music, over actually doing it.

Even though I am a greedy, money-grubbing creep, all of these guys were too creepy, even for me. There was only so much of that I could stomach, and even though it brought in money, it wasn't even to heal my frayed nerves. All of these systems were so bad, that I would leave a nervous wreck, with my stomach in knots.

Any wonder why they would rather talk, than listen?

One of my favorites.....................I remember this one, as it also gave me a headache....................

(I had stopped doing this, at this point, but one store remembered me, and told their customer about me. I needed money, so like a schmuck.................)

(Sounded like an easy gig. We are now in the 80s, and CD players are out. And it was something that had to do with measuring crossovers, so how could it go wrong?)

Everything was going ok. No tonearm to measure, so I did not need to schlep test records, and crap to measure anti-skating. No VTA or other alignment crap. Sounded too good to be true. What could go wrong?

I measured this guy's crossovers, as he was convinced his were better than the ones that came with the speakers. Judging by some of the crappy parts, in some of them, there was always a chance. So, now that the work is over, it is time to make money, by sitting on my arse. And gritting my teeth, while I had to be subjected to bad system, and bad system jabber. Oh, boy...............

This guy was such a nerd....................

"How much of a nerd? More than you? Boy, he must have really been a nerd. And a loser."

Stop interrupting.

Anyway, remember we are now in the early days of CD.

This nerd had the CD, of that awful Telarc recording of the "1812". You know..............the CD of that record we all bought, that had the cannon shots, that made the stylus jump out of the groove.

Yeah, that Telarc.

This loser had a piece of paper, where he marked down the time of each and every cannon shot. So, he loads the CD, and...........

"OK, this one here....................."


"And one here............."


I had to listen to each and every one of them. Probably more than once. Oy vey. Any wonder why I had a headache, in addition to all the other ailments, I incurred, during my visitation.

"That is a powerful piece of music!", he proclaimed.

WHAT MUSIC?? All I heard was cannon shots. Sans music.

Now, do you see why I decided that there was no amount of money that I was ever going to do that, again.

Instead, I just started posting, on audio forums.

"Father, forgive me, for I have sinned....................."