Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Three Rules of Audio

The Three Rules of Audio

Rule number 1:

"If it sounds different, it HAS to be better.
Especially if you paid money for it."

Rule number 2:

"The stupider* it looks, the crappier it sounds."

Applies mainly to speakers, but have you ever
seen/heard the NRG preamp?

(* Yeah, I should be "more stupid", but that ruins the joke. Just pretend you are listening to Dick Shahinian speak.)

Rule number 3:

"All audiophiles are geeks without a sex life."

"Does that include you dorks?"

Shut up,
pink boy.

And thanks to that "fizzed-bombed" maniac, Russell,
we now have a fourth rule of audio.

Rule number 4:

"The more it's hyped, the more it sucks."

Just like Budweiser.

Apologies to...........

Ken Baran: "It's good enough for me, I can't tell the difference."
Jim Lofe: "I don't care what all the beer snobs say, I just like the way it tastes."
Ken Macha: "It's the nectar of the gods, Bruiser. That stuff you drink gives me a headache."

Must be a Pitt Engineer thing.

We now have fifth rule of audio.
Thanks to Thorsten from the UK.

Rule Number 5:

"If it is well designed, it can't sound good;
because someone actually applied thought to the product."

Does that explain why everything Fred designs sounds like, well, something that Fred designed?

(Translation: Stop thinking about it and sell the damn thing! The idea is to make money, not impress the rest of the gang with your resourcefulness.)

While these aren't rules that apply specifically to audio, we present them here for your edification.

Zappa's Law:

"There are two things on earth that are universal:
hydrogen and stupidity."

Toolsie's Transit Theorem:

"The olfactory properties of a substance cannot improve in transit."

(Translation: If you think the stuff you feed your cat smells like shit when (s)he
eats it, imagine how bad it is going to stink when (s)he poots it out the far end.)

Myers' Law:

"It is hard to make a system idiot-proof,
because idiots are so ingenious."

It may not qualify as an official rule either,but here's what a well known audio designer had to say (via private conversation) about selling audio stuff in the USA:

"Yep, if you want to sell equipment in the US, it's got to be built in a cheap box and cost under $1000. That's why the computer is the ideal product for America: it's cheap, comes in a shoddy cabinet, you can take it apart and screw with it to your heart's content. You won't have to worry about voiding the warranty because it will be obsolete in 3 months anyway and will break shortly afterward even if you don't mess with it. No matter what you do to it, it won't work worth a crap anyway and requires constant attention. Ideal product for audiophiles.
Yep, audiophiles love to take their system apart. They always think they know more than we do. We only designed it, what do we know? Yep, let them all buy computers. Then they can put $2500 power cords on them and see how much better they work. And magic bricks on top of their monitors. Yep, audiophiles are pretty silly."

Any further rules of your
Send 'em if ya got 'em. We'll post 'em.

Copyright © 1996, 1997

No comments:

Post a Comment